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captainscanadian · 4 years ago

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Hope | Bucky Barnes x Reader (Part 4)

My Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Summary: Your high school reunion forces you to relive the trauma of your senior year.

Word Count: 4100+

Pairing: (Eventual) Doctor!Bucky Barnes x Patient!Reader

Warnings: HELLA ANGST, Heartbreak, Bullying, Insecurity, Anxiety, Alcohol

A/N: This fic was my entry for @wkemeup��‘s 4K Writing Challenge. I DON’T DO TAGLISTS!

Perhaps having a Hollywood stylist on speed dial did have its perks, for the woman who had styled you for your multiple red carpet premieres was more than happy to assist you in deciding what to wear for your high school reunion.

Natasha Romanoff had advised you that a pair of blue jeans and a comfortable sweater could really go a long way, and you took her word for it. “Did you bring your boots with you?” She asked you as you were on Facetime.

Rosie had informed you that the dress code was casual, so you need not to worry about having to borrow Nick’s truck in order to drive all the way to Indianapolis and hunt down a designer dress.

But that did not mean you were keeping it simple with your outfit for the night; you wanted to make an impression, and maybe even rub it in a few of the faces that you were going to be coming across. This was your moment now.

“You mean my black thigh-highs?” You asked her as your lips curled into a smirk, and you reached down to grab them and held them up for the camera. “Did you really think I’d leave them behind in LA when you said that I fucking sass walk when I’m wearing these?”

“That’s my girl!” She exclaimed, looking proud as ever. “Add a leather jacket over that and you’re good to go. Keep the hair and make up simple. You’re going to be getting shit-faced anyways. No need to look too pretty.”

You gave her a nod as you chuckled softly. “You cool with me adding a Gucci belt with that? I’d like to show these fuckers that I can actually afford one.”

“Fuck, yes!” She gave you a thumbs up. “You’re going to sass walk in there, look like a million bucks and you’re going to fucking own it, you hear me?”

“Yes, ma’am.” You were certainly glad that you had a stylist who was also the best hype woman you could have ever asked for. “I’m going to fucking own it.”

“So, now that it’s your ten year reunion… are you and Mr. Hollywood Reporter finally going to get it on?” Natasha asked as she wiggled her eyebrows. “I know I’m totally assuming that he’s going to be there, but you did go to high school together. Maybe revisiting some old memories can light some kind of spark between the two of you? He seems like a good catch, Y/N.”

“What?” You shook your head. “No… I mean, yes. He’s going to be there. But no, we’re not ‘getting it on’ or however else you say it.”

“Why not?!”

“Because…” You let out a sigh. “Pietro is my friend.”

Falling in love with one of your best friends had been hard enough. You could not afford to lose another friendship the same way.

Out of all places that your ten year reunion could have taken place, it had to be at The Country Club of Indianapolis; you did not know if you should praise Rosie Bender for securing such a venue for the event, or curse her for somehow convincing you to come here. Not that you had ever been to that country club when you had been a resident of Indiana, but it was safe to say that the place did bring back some horrible memories.

The words ‘Connie Chapman would be there’ made so much more sense to you now, as you were well aware that the country club was owned by her father. Boy, you could never come to terms with how much you loathed Connie as a kid. Her mere existence drove you up the wall.

Ever since you were in elementary school, it seemed as though the two of were forced to compete with each other. From the good grades to the friendships you made; she had everything you wanted. She had a father who had raised her like a fucking princess, while yours had walked out when you were just a toddler. Her birthday parties would always take place at her family’s mansion in Shelbyville, and sometimes at the country club too. You were never invited to any one of them though, not that you ever wanted to.

She was the teacher’s pet, which was most likely a result of her father’s rather heavy donation to the school. No matter how hard you studied, grinding through every assignment by pouring your blood, sweat and tears into them, she just happened to get a better grade than you did. It was frustrating to know that no matter how hard you tried, she just happened to be five steps ahead of you. She was oozing with privilege, and that made you feel quite bitter.

During high school, she was the captain of the cheer leading team. While she was not the nicest person you’d known back then, it did not matter at all when she looked like some Victoria’s Secret model - when Victoria’s Secret was still relevant. It seemed as though she had somehow skipped the awkward stages of puberty and became attractive without ever paying the price for it; or maybe she did pay a price. You could never tell for sure. Every boy in school would fall at her feet, which was something that certainly boosted that ego of hers. She was the most popular girl in school, and you were a complete nobody. It fucking sucked.

Despite the fact that Connie Chapman had everything you would have wanted in life when you were a teenager, you knew that you had something that she could never have, something that you believed that no one could ever pry out of your hands. Oh how stupid had you been. She had taken him right from your cold dead hands.

As much as you hated to admit it, this was not how you had expected your senior year of high school to be. It seemed as though everything was going to shit this year, and you wanted nothing more than to get out of this shit show that was high school.

The year had gotten off to a not-so-great start with your best friend ditching you to hang out with his new friends from the basketball team. While you had found yourself strolling through the hallways of Shelbyville Senior High School all alone during the lunch hours, your vice principal had forced you to befriend the two new students, Pietro and Wanda Maximoff.

Sure, they were both wonderful to hang out with. But deep down, you just missed Bucky Barnes more than ever. He was your best friend, had been for as long as you could remember. You had no idea why he had stopped hanging out with you since the end of junior year, and you hadn’t even bothered to ask. Things just seemed to be out of your control nowadays, you guessed.

“Y/N!” Wanda had called out to you as she was rushing towards your locker, a panicked expression evident in her eyes as she grabbed your arm rather roughly. “Y/N, you’re not going to believe what just happened.”

You set the algebra textbook that you had been holding in your locker before turning towards her, grabbing your backpack and throwing it over your shoulder. “Wanda, is everything okay?”

“Bucky knows.” She told you, looking at you with wide eyes as she breathed heavily. “He came over to my lab desk during biology and… he told me that he knows.”

Her words had hit you like a freight train, as you found yourself closing your locker in a hurry when you began to feel your heart beating against your chest. “W-What?” You shook your head. “No, no, no… No, Wanda… no! How could that be? How would he know?”

“He said that he… he knows that you like him, Y/N. He sees the look in your eyes when you speak to him.” She replied with a shrug of her shoulders. “Maybe you haven’t been all that subtle with him as you thought you were?”

“Oh shit…”

You did not know what to do, for you had not expected for things to get out of control like they had now. You had not intended for Bucky to find out about how you felt about him, not when he had drifted away from you just months ago.

A part of you could not help but wonder if the reason why he had stopped hanging out with you was because of this revelation. Was he distancing himself because of how you felt about him? Was it because he did not feel the same way? Why had he told Wanda that he knew about it instead of coming straight to you?

So many questions had flooded your mind at that moment, and you could not think straight. It felt as though the whole world was closing in on you, and all you wanted at that moment was to be held in someone’s arms and be told that you were loved. It was a simple wish. To feel loved and to feel like you belonged somewhere was a basic need for a human being. It was not meant to be a luxury, though that was exactly what it seemed to be nowadays.

Your mind was telling you to run, but your feet were planted firmly against the tiled floor of the corridor. While you wondered how you were going to face him, you had felt it in your heart to trust him. He was your best friend; he wasn’t going to hurt you.

All it took was that simple trust. That was all it took to break you.

As you got out of the Porsche that you had rented for the remainder of your stay, you noticed a few familiar faces staring out at you in utter surprise. For starters, the car was bound to stir up some attention. But it was your outfit that was to die for.

Just as Natasha Romanoff had suggested, a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt really did go a long way… along with a few other designer accessories that were worn for the sole purpose of making jaws drop. It was mission accomplished.

Not that you minded being the centre of attention this time, but the thought that the people who had once spoken about you behind your back were now gawking at you with utter jealousy sure boosted that ego of yours. You had certainly earned that luxury. Perhaps coming to this reunion was not a bad thing after all.

“Well, well, well…” Pietro Maximoff was quick to rise from his seat as you approached the table, greeting you with a kiss on your cheek. “Don’t you look like you fucking own this place.”

“As ironic as that seems.” Wanda snorted, considering who actually did own the place. “Who would have known that Y/N Y/L/N still had it in her to cause a scene?”

You rolled your eyes at her words, returning a kiss on her brother’s cheek. “It may have been ten years, but some things never change.” You noted, motioning towards the formerly popular crowd who were now staring at you like they had never seen a successful New York Times best-selling author in their midst. “They always fucking stare.”

“Y/N, you made it!” The familiar voice of Rosie Bender caused you to turn around to greet her. “I’m so glad you came.”

“I gave you my word, didn’t I?” You smiled at her before you noticed the woman who stood behind her.

Connie Chapman.

“I love you, Bucky.” Those three words had come out of your mouth so naturally, that you did not even beat yourself up for having just confessed your love to him. “I’ve loved you for as I’ve known you.”

A part of you had expected him to say it back in an instant, but you knew better than that. His actions during the last few months had been very clear. But the look on his face was not one of surprise, nor did he show any sign of reciprocation. He had just stood there in silence, biting down on his bottom lip for a moment too long before he nodded. “I knew that.”

“I knew that… you knew that.” You breathed. “Wanda told me that you told her… that you knew…” Your eyes glazed over with every second, for a part of you had worried that he was indeed going to reject you. You knew that you were in for a heartbreak, but you could not handle it either way.

“The thing is… Y/N... I like someone else, doll.”

And... there it was.

“Connie Chapman.” You laughed softly as you looked over at her. “I can’t believe it.” God, the years had been so unkind to her.

“It’s lovely to see you, Y/N.”

“You too.” You lied straight through your teeth, causing Wanda to snort her drink and choke back her laughter.

Pietro and Rosie looked rather amused by this whole interaction, but you had just shrugged it off when your eyes landed on the man who had just walked in. Dressed in a pair of black jeans and a black shirt, and a bright yellow leather jacket that seemed to match your black one, you could not deny that he knew how to make an entrance.

The moment he entered the room, Bucky Barnes’ eyes landed right on you. Of course, you were the centre of attention; you should have always been the centre of attention. The way you were dressed in your jeans and your top, not to mention those boots; he could not deny how stunning you looked that night.

Not that he had the courage to tell you that you looked absolutely beautiful, but he knew that he was probably the last person you wanted to hear those words from… for obvious reasons. He had screwed things up when he had the chance, so what even was the point anymore.

“Hey Y/N, did you hear?! Bucky asked Connie to prom!” Brock Rumlow hollered at you in the hallway as you walked past him, causing you to break into tears at the remainder as his minions continued to laugh in your face.

It had been two whole days since you had found out that Connie was the one who Bucky had feelings for. As much as it hurt to find out that you had lost the one thing that you had cherished the most in your life to her of all people, it hurt a lot more that you hadn’t found out from Bucky himself that she was the girl he liked.

Instead, the news of Bucky’s elaborate promposal had spread around the school like wildfire, and Pietro had rushed to inform you after witnessing the gesture that had become the talk of the school. While Connie hadn’t even said yes to him, the fact that he had even asked her to prom was reason enough for people to start picking on you. And in a matter of days, you had become the joke of the school.

But what broke your heart the most was not that Bucky had not reciprocated your feelings for him, nor that he did not have the decency to tell you that Connie Chapman was the girl of his dreams. It was the fact that Bucky had been your best friend since you were in elementary school, and he knew damn well how you felt about Connie. The rivalry that you both shared had not been a secret and Bucky had always known that. Even when he did not love you back, you had expected him to be loyal; and he had done the one thing that he probably knew was bound to cause you the worst pain.

Wanda was quick to wrap her arm around your shoulder and drag you away from Brock and his minions, sensing that you were on the verge of yet another breakdown. Ever since things had taken a turn for the worst, she had been trying her best to keep you calm. She knew that you were a sensitive soul, which was all the more reason for her to want to protect you from your bullies.

“Come on, Y/N. You can’t let them get to you.”

You should your head as you hugged her tight, sobbing softly against her shoulder. “It’s not them, Wanda. It’s not… It’s him. I loved him, Wanda. I loved him so much and he… what is it about her that made him feel that way? What is it about her that made him… fall for her? What is it that she has that I don’t? Because I thought that he was mine, and now he’s not.”

You had to blame your own insecurities for weighing you down like this. After all, you had always envied what Connie Chapman had; and now she had Bucky’s heart too. That was the worst. But deep down, you kept asking yourself over and over again. What was it about her that made him fall for her? What was it that she had that you didn’t?

After a while, you had realized that you could never figure out the answer to those questions. But you wanted the answers, and you wanted them from him. You had been young, stupid, and hormonal. You had been so entitled to Bucky’s heart that you had been willing to fight him for it.

Perhaps going up to him and asking him, ‘can’t you see how much I love you,’ wasn’t the way to go. Because you did love him so much. How could he not see that?

The fact that she had rejected him to his face, and he was still pining over her while all you had for him was true love. You wanted to ask him why he was doing this? Why do you love someone who doesn’t love you back? Why do you humiliate yourself by pining over someone who could care any less about you?

Oh what a hypocrite you were…

“Seriously, what the fuck is it that she has that I don’t?!”

Everything, you should have known that by then.

“Can’t you see?! Just look at her! SHE’S FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!”

And that was it. That was all it took for Bucky Barnes to break your heart at once.

“So, I’m... am I not beautiful?! Is that what you’re saying to me?!”

The whole school had been witness to your screaming match that ended up to be the final tug at your heartstrings.

As you broke down in tears, Wanda Maximoff had dragged you away from him for the last time.

Pietro had glared daggers at him before he followed behind you, his arms wrapped tightly around you to shield you from the nosy crowd that had gathered in the cafeteria.

And that was the last time you had ever dared to look Bucky Barnes in the eyes.

You had barely made it through the first course of the meal when you had lost your appetite. Being at this reunion had certainly stirred up your memories and made you relive the trauma that you had been through in senior year.

You were quick to drop your fork and clutch onto Pietro’s wrist, every breath you took feeling colder than the last as you fought the urge to break down once again, just as you had done ten years ago.

“Piet.”

He turned over to look at you in worry, for he was well aware of how uncomfortable it must have been for you to be surrounded by the people and the memories of your senior year. “Are you alright, love?” He asked, the concern so clear in his voice.

You shook your head, grabbing your glass of wine and chugging it down in one go. But no amount of alcohol could ever let you live down that dreadful day. “Take me home.”

“Y/N, are you okay?” Wanda frowned, seeing that you looked quite distressed.

You looked up at her and shook your head. “I shouldn’t have come here.” You admitted, cursing yourself for thinking that being here could be so much as a means of finding writing inspiration. “I can’t do it.”

Pietro let out a sigh as he nodded understandingly, setting down his fork before wiping off his mouth with his napkin. “How about we head to The Tavern and get shit-faced? Every minute I spend in this place makes me want to throw up, and I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling.”

His sister could not help but nod in agreement. “Honestly, I only came back home because Harry asked me to check in on you. This whole reunion business never interested me.”

“And I came because there’s no way in hell I would let the two of you deal with these people on your own.” He admitted, chuckling softly

“I love you both so fucking much.” You smiled over at the two of them before resting your head against Pietro’s shoulder. “What would I have done without the two of you?”

“Oh you would have been so miserable that senior year.” Wanda joked.

From the corner of his eyes, Bucky was able to see how close you and Pietro had been seated. To say that a part of him was feeling a strong sense of jealousy would be an understatement.

Deep down he knew that it should have been him sitting next to you during your high school reunion, letting you rest your head on his shoulder while you laughed about the memories that were meant to be happy ones.

But instead he had ruined it all by doing what he had done, and now he was forced to watch you from afar with Pietro Maximoff in the place of your best friend.

Bucky never had anything against Pietro, not back then and certainly not now. Back when the Maximoff twins were just the new kids on the block, he could have cared less about them.

He and Brock were tight then, so he hadn’t bothered befriending the oldest Maximoff. He had seen you and Wanda hanging around at lunch, but he never would have thought that you had become close friends. That place had always been reserved for him, and you never opened up to anyone else.

Even when he had distanced himself from you, he had felt possessive over you. But now he knew that it was his actions and the twins’ kindness to let you lean on them at that time that led to him sitting at this reunion in jealousy, while the three of you dined together.

“You know, it’s not that polite to stare.” Rosie Bender remarked cheekily as she nudged her girlfriend’s brother. “And it seems to me that you haven’t even bothered to take your eyes off of her ever since you got here.”

“She looks beautiful.” He noted, finally turning over to look over at his friend. “So… radiant. She could always light up the room she walks into.”

“Oh please, you’re the guy who told her otherwise.” She snickered.

Bucky could not help but roll his eyes at the reminder. “You know it should have been me sitting next to her like that, not him.”

“It could have been you, sure. But you managed to ruin that for yourself, didn’t you?”

“Do you think she would ever forgive me for what I did, Bender?” He asked, a little unsure himself. “Would she ever love me the same way?”

“How would I know?” She shrugged. “Truth be told, I hope she won’t. No offence, but… as someone who watched all of your drama for the sidelines, I’ve always felt that she deserves better than the guy who took her for granted and treated her like shit.”

“I never realized how much you hate the idea of seeing us together.” He raised his eyebrow at her.

Rosie was quick to shake her head at his assumption. “That’s not true.” She admitted, sighing. “You know, when I sold you those prom tickets, I seriously thought that you were buying them for her. All of us in the Prom Committee, we all knew that she had a thing for you. We were rooting for the two of you to finally get together and ride off into the sunset.”

Not that she would ever admit it to Bucky, but she had always regretted the part she had to play in your fallout. Even though she hadn’t intended for things to escalate the way they had, she often wondered if things would have been different if she hadn’t sold Bucky those prom tickets. But she knew that if she hadn’t done that, then someone else would have. In the end, it was Bucky’s fault that he had ruined things with you.

“Wow, I guess I was an idiot.”

“That you are.” She agreed, laughing softly before shaking her head. “Bucky, I know that she’s much better off without you. She’s built herself a whole life after she left town and she doesn’t need you in her life anymore. But I’ve had to watch you be miserable ever since she left.”

He wasn’t even going to deny that, for even he knew that losing you had been the worst thing that had happened to him. Not even being rejected by Connie Chapman could ever compare to the pain that he had caused himself. “Rosie, I...”

“Admit it, you’ve always felt like something was missing in your life, and it’s her. She may not need you, but you need her.You fucked up, and I know that you’ve realized your mistakes now. You could either keep sitting here and look stupid, or you could finally do things right. It’s your call, Barnes.”

#kas4kwc #aj writes #hope #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes au #doctor!Bucky #doctor au

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kuratoki · 5 years ago

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Changes 6.5

Annyeong~ So it’s been a long time since Changes was last updated...was it? Honestly I can’t remember >< I’ve been wanting to post more consistently so instead of posting a chapter time I finish one, I decided to finish the whole story instead and this post means...CHANGES IS COMING TO AN END!! I’m thinking no more than 3-4 more chapters before I get started on the SEQUEL! Distance

Depending on the flow of things, I may post every other day as I bust out the sequel and another fic that I have in the works so I can post them co-consecutively but we shall see...anyways, thanks for supporting Changes ^-^

Also I think I may have bias switched six times this comeback. Just saying.

Do you agree that things change in time? Well four years abroad would tell wouldn’t it?

Pairing: Reader x Jeno ft. NCT

Words: 4769 (Why was this longer than the last chapter T-T)

Warning: Mild swearing

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 6.5

“So are you guys thinking about joining the club?” Doyoung asked.

After school activities were done and a large group of people which consisted of various members of the NCT Dance Club and a few others were at a restaurant to welcome Renjun, Chenle to the school as well as welcoming back Sicheng.

“WinWin said we had no choice.” Chenle answered, “He said it was part of the transfer requirement.”

“Transfer requirement.” Taeyong said, using his fingers as air quotes, “It’s your choice but from what we’ve heard, it’d be great to have you both. I heard you aren’t a dance major Chenle.”

“I’m a voice major.” Chenle said and pointed at Renjun, “He’s the dance major.”

“Speaking of dance,” Renjun said wiping his mouth, “Jeno, I heard you won the National School dance competition as a junior soloist last year.”

Jeno looked up at the boy mid bite and nodded his head.

“Are you planning on competing again this year?” Renjun asked curiously and you looked at Jeno with the same curious look, wondering if he too was planning on competing.

“I’m still deciding.” Jeno said, mouth full of meat before swallowing, “I might just compete in the group dance this year. Give someone else a go. Why do you ask?”

“Just curious. I heard through some friends that you really stole the show.” he said with a small smirk that Jeno picked up on and his eyes narrowed, “Wish I saw it myself.”

You looked at Renjun, wondering what he meant by that and the bright smile your friend gave you made you suspicious. It was that, I’m going to do something stupid but I also know what I’m doing smile. First he cut you off in the library and now he was asking weird questions.

“Yea! Jeno’s dance was one of the best I’ve ever seen him perform.” Mark said hyping him up, “It was so emotional yet so powerful. Totally deserved the national title.”

Many people around the table agreed and Doyoung almost looked like a proud father.

“Must’ve been about someone then.” Renjun said with a nod, “You know what they say, the piece comes out more meaningful when it’s meant for someone else.”

“It’s like how Y/N’s contemporary piece got her the role of Omlgmlsml” Chenle started but you were quick to lean over and muffle the brunette boy with a steamed bun and the look you gave him told him to shut up.

Renjun turned to look at you in shock, he knew what Chenle was going to say and he was surprised you didn’t tell any of your friends about it.

“You never told them you were THE Odette?” Renjun gasped and curious heads turned towards your conversation as your friends around you stared at you in shock, making you smack your head down on the table. This was not how you wanted your biggest secret to come out.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want anyone to know. You were still healing from your sprained knee at the time of auditions and despite all the late night practices(doctor approved) with Renjun, you weren’t confident. Even when Renjun said you were a shoe in for the part, you felt like you couldn’t do it. In the end you skipped the audition. What you didn’t know was that Renjun already had a plan B and that was what got you the role.

The day the roles were announced, you were floored to see that you got the part of the Swan Princess herself. When you asked the casting director how you got the role without auditioning, he had told you that your audition video made most of the team cry and they couldn’t not have you as their Swan Princess.

You knew Renjun was behind this right away and you wondered what video he had submitted on your behalf. Of course you couldn’t be mad at him even though he went behind your back. He was one of the few who knew that your dream was to play Odette in the Swan Lake Ballet production and thanks to him, you were able to achieve that dream.

The production consisted of the top ballet dancers of the junior level and students all over Europe auditioned for various parts. It was a grueling process that took several months and many students waited anxiously for the results. Once the roles were announced, the new cast would spend half a year in London practicing before performing for sold out shows in one of London’s most well known theaters.

The year that you were in the production, the producers wanted to do something fun and made you wear an elaborate Swan mask throughout the production. On the promo poster the only persons name who was not mentioned was yours and the picture was of Renjun as the Prince and you wearing that swan mask. Only those who attended the shows would’ve seen your face but tickets at the time were limited. You would think that you’d invite your friends along with your parents to at least one of the shows but no, you only invited WinWin and his family along with your parents. This was your best kept secret. What you didn’t know is that it was also known as the best portrayal of Odette performed by a junior.

“You were Odette?” Hana asked with wide eyes, “With Renjun?”

“Mhm.” you said muffled.

“But Renjun was the Prince for the Select Junior Ballet performance…” Jisung said looking down before he looked at you in shock, “W-Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“What’s chicken little getting at?” Yuta asked looking around the group and Renjun had the urge to smack you in the face but reached over and started to shake you violently instead.

“Are you serious right now? I get that you wore a mask for like half the production and your name wasn’t even in the program for surprise sakes but it’s literally you in the promo poster they’re using to promote the ballet even now!” he raged, “Why didn’t you tell anyone?! Were you that embarrassed to dance with me?! Your nickname was fucking Swan Princess for fucks sakes!”

“Stooooop!!” you whined, sitting up straight and attempted to stop Renjun from shaking you as your stomach had yet to settle, “You know I didn’t want the attention. I wasn’t going to audition and then you went and submitted the tape behind my back.”

“We promised that we’d audition together!” Renjun growled, “And what do you do? Not even show up for the audition. Thank goodness I made that excuse that you were sick and they let you send in an audition tape instead.”

“Which you broke into my apartment to get.” you growled back, “The key I gave you was for emergency’s only.”

“Yea and that was an emergency.” Renjun argued, “You were already set for the part and I was not going to put the hours of practice we put into it to waste!”

“I only rehearsed with you because you wanted to audition!” you exclaimed, agitation evident in your voice.

“Guys cut it out.” Chenle called out from his seat fed up with his friends behavior, “This is why people still think you hate each other!”

During the time, Jeno, Jisung and Jaemin could only observe your bickering with Renjun like a ping pong match. It was a side of you neither of them was familiar with and truth be told, Renjun was the only person who was able to bring this side out of you.

The two of you met on the first day of practices your first year and truth be told, you didn’t like each other right away. The two of you came into the academy under high recommendation from your previous schools so the expectations for you were high. In the beginning, the two of you would discreetly argue over the smallest of things, Renjun always acting more superior. It wasn’t till you were paired for a project that you had to suck it up and get along.

You found out that when you weren’t arguing or being nitpicky over the others posture, you actually had very decent conversations. He also had this weird side which you weren’t sure if you should be taking seriously or not but in the end, the two of you became as close as bread and butter.

“So this is a normal thing?” Jisung asked Chenle and the boy nodded.

“There’s something wrong when a day goes by where they actually agree on something. But he’s her Ying to his Yang and they both brought out the best in each other.” Chenle said eyeing his two friends who were now getting harassed by Hana for not inviting her to such an iconic performance, “He helped her heal.”

“Jeno?” Jisung asked curiously as he looked at Jeno, who was looking somewhat annoyed with the way Renjuns arm had yet to leave your shoulders and you, who was completely immersed in a story Renjun was telling. “Renjun helped her with the piece?”

“He helped her get her emotions out.” Chenle corrected, “The choreo was all her. She performed it for her end of year recital and ended up winning first place that year...she was supposed to come back the year after and claim her spot back but she got into the accident and gave it up to second place.”

“Who was that?” Jisung asked and Chenle was shocked he didn’t know.

“Wong Yuwen, Yukhei’s sister.” he answered and thought again, “I still find it coincidental that it was Yukhei who caused her accident that summer though...I know that the girls didn’t really get along since Yuwen saw Y/N as competition from day one”

“Yukhei’s sister? You guys know Yukhei too?” Jisung asked again, his eyes wide and Chenle gave him an odd look from all of his questions but Jisung had good reasoning for it.

“Renjun was the one who introduced Yukhei to Y/N. We all knew each other in China and Yukhei came with me since his sister attended the same school when I visited the first time. We spent a lot of time together...well Y/N spent a lot of time rejecting Yukhei so..” Chenle said and noted the look on Jisungs face, “You good bro?

Jisung’s mind was boggling. It couldn’t have been a coincidence could it? He knew that you had won first place in your schools competition, he even knew bits and pieces who Renjun and Chenle were but never ever had you brought up knowing Yukhei on that personal level. He just knew that you had met briefly before camp the first year and that you rejected him once. Outside of that, he had no idea why Yukhei loved to bother you so much but now the pieces of the puzzle were coming together.

Jisung shook out of his thoughts and gave Chenle a reassuring smile and thumbs up. This new person seemed to know a lot and Jisung was curious to what else he knew about your association with Yukhei.

“Oh yea, I forgot to ask. Where are you guys staying?” Hana asked once everyone had finished eating.

“We’re both staying at a house my family bought recently nearby.” Chenle answered, “If I remember the address correctly, it’s not that far from Y/N’s.”

“That’s so cool, you guys are all in the same neighborhood.” she said, referring to you, Jeno and Jisung, “Well, Jaem and I are gonna get going. We’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“Do you guys need a lift?” Jaem asked, swinging his eyes around one finger while his other hand was interlocked with Hana’s, “I’m gonna take Hana home and then head back to Jenos.”

“I heard there was a Moomin Cafe in town and there’s still a few hours till it closes.” Renjun said and turned to you, “Care to join me? It’d be great to touch base on a few things.”

“I’d love to watch you weeb out for a few hours.” you said giggling, knowing your friends obsession with character, “There’s a few things I wanted to ask you as well actually.”

“Perfect, lets go then.” Renjun said,“It was nice meeting you all. We’ll see you all tomorrow.”

You gave the group a quick wave and Hana quickly hugged the two of you before you looked at Renjun and the two of you set off, with your arm looped through his.

A few hours later, you walked through your door deep in thought from your conversation with Renjun. The two of you discussed a lot in a short period of time, from a potential reunion with the rest of the cast of the Swan Lake to information regarding Yukhei.

Waving at Sicheng and Yuta(who you assumed would be a regular in the house now that Sicheng was back), who were currently digging into a piece of the chocolate cake you made the night before for Sichengs return, you made your way up to your room. Because you were so deep in thought, you literally screamed when you walked in and saw Jeno lying on your bed,hair pushed back, glasses perched on the bridge of his nose and reading a book.

“SORRY, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU HE CAME OVER.” Sicheng yelled from down the stairs, there was no apology in his voice.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, hand over your heart as you tried to calm your breathing.

“Jaemin decided to bring Hana over instead of taking her home and I wasn’t in the mood to listen to the conception of Baby Na.” he responded, looking at you from the corner of his eye, noting your concentrated look and your lack of reaction to his joke, “Everything okay? How was the cafe?”

“Everythings fine.” you said distractedly, putting your things away, “Renjuns a Moomin weeb so this was like a dream come true for him. It was nice to catch up since we really haven’t talked in months minus the odd text here and there.” you said, forcefully shaking your thoughts from your mind and paid attention to the person on your bed who was currently looking like he just walked out of Mens Athletic.

It was obvious he showered before he came over since his hair was still slightly damp and pushed back while he was dressed in black sweats and a white wife beater. It was a nice sight for the eyes.

“Are you planning on staying long?” you asked curiously and Jeno looked up from the book.

“Am I intruding?” he asked back and you shook your head.

“Of course not.” you said quickly, “I just wanted to know how many pieces of cake I had to bring up.”

“Three.” Jeno said holding up his fingers and giving you that reserved for special people eye smile, “The one you made a few days ago was so good and with Yuta downstairs, there probably won’t be any left in the morning.”

“True.” you said, grabbing a few things, “Be back in a bit. I’d tell you to make yourself at home but you seem to have done a good job at doing so already.” you snickered as Jeno waved, going back to the book from your shelf he had immersed himself in.

“Don’t be long.” he said, settling himself into your bed, “Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Sure.” you said looking behind you as you stepped out the door, “My laptops on my desk. The password hasn’t changed. If you still remember that is.”

Jeno looked up when he heard the bedroom door shut and marked the place in the book he was reading, before putting it down.He made his way over to your desk which was decorated with stationary and few pictures from the past and present.

The ones that stood out were from his fifth birthday party where he had a mouthful of cake and you had the happiest grins two five year olds could muster while “Say cheese!" was being yelled at you in four different directions.

There was another one where Jaemin and Jeno were at some beach and they had you lifted in their arms during a big family vacation that the three of you somehow managed to convince your parents to have after weeks of begging. Jeno remembered that day more than any other vacation memory since seconds after that photo was taken, you were thrown into the ocean. He remembered the grovelling he and Jaemin had to do since you decided to ignore the two for the rest of the day.. He chuckled to himself at the memory, remembering that despite the one hiccup, it was one of the best vacations he’d been on in his life.

Before he could press the power button on your laptop, a polaroid under your keyboard caught his attention and Jeno couldn’t help but feel his heart swell when he realized when it was from. It was a photo of the two of you that Jaemin took during a break between dance classes when you were in middle school.

The two of you were leaning against the mirror, Jeno’s arm wrapped around your shoulder while the two of you watched something on his phone. Your head was resting on his shoulder and he was resting on top of yours. He remembered Jaemin showing him the photo, telling him that this was when he knew the two of you were meant to be more than friends. Jeno brushed it off at the time, but he couldn’t help but think how right his friend was in this present moment.

He looked to side when he heard your phone buzz and a text from someone showed up on the screen.

[9:55pm] E.T - Think about it...It’ll be fun, just like the old times. I’ve got your back Princess~

Jeno’s lips formed a straight line at the text and was tempted to check the message himself. He had an assumption as to who this “E.T” person was and fought the jealousy that bubbled inside him. You and Renjun were friends and he had no right to feel this way, he didn’t know your friendship but he couldn’t help but let that fact bother him. Were you and Renjun closer then the two of you let on or was it just his paranoia?

A few minutes later, you walked in, freshly showered with a tray that consisted of cakes and hot chocolate along with a bowl of marshmallows, a big satisfied smile on your face.

“I took like a quarter of the cake and I think Yuta growled at me.” you said placing the tray on your desk before picking up your phone and reading Renjun’s message and responding, making Jeno question what you said since you rolled your eyes.

“Yuta is aware that you’re the only one who can cook in this house right?” Jeno asked, taking the cake from your outstretched hand, his face in pure bliss after taking a bite, “You can always give his portions to me you know. Now that my parents aren’t here, I think I’m gonna starve.”

“Isn’t that the reason why Jaemin is staying with you? So you won't starve?” you asked with a lifted eyebrow, knowing that his parents had just left to meet with your parents somewhere in Europe.

It was a blessing and a curse that your parents enjoyed travelling, it meant that you and Jeno had grown up travelling together during the holidays and you always had someone to experience new things with. It may have been the main reason why your friendship with Jeno had maintained its strength during your transition from children to preteens despite the differences in personalities.

“With the amount of time he spends with Hana, I probably will.” Jeno snorted moving slightly when you settled next to him on the bed, “Did you know that he’s serious about her?”

“Good” you said, taking a bite of your chocolate cake, doing a little dance when you felt the velvety texture of the frosting on your tongue, “Cause from how our talks are going, she feels the same.”

“Ah…Young love...” Jeno sighed, leaning back thinking about his two friends before his eyes caught a small album on your bedside table that hadn’t been there before, “What’s that?”

Following his gaze, your eyes landed on the album and Jeno saw the excitement in your eyes and you put down your plate to reach for it.

“I found this while I was cleaning my room a few days ago.” you said handing him the medium sized album that contained so many memories, “I’ve been waiting for you to come over to show you.”

Jeno opened the album and was greeted by a sense of strong nostalgia. It’s contents familiar but distant memories of your combined family travels. They lasted from when the two of you were three to about the age of thirteen, where dance became more important and you were both enrolled in your respective summer programs and the year after you left for Europe.

“I can’t believe you still have these photos.” he said, slowly flipping through each page, chuckling to himself at certain photos that caught his eye “This is like a decades worth of history.”

“I couldn’t believe it either.” you said, resting your head on his shoulder so you could look at the photos too, “It made me think of all the carefree days we had. It sucks that we only went to tropical destinations. I think I would’ve liked Europe as a child.”

“Did you travel a lot while you were abroad?” Jeno asked, still looking through the photos and felt you nod against his shoulder.

“Renjun and I did a lot of that during the small breaks we had when we realized that we could actually tolerate each other” you said, looking through your phone for a specific picture, “We would travel to different places by train and spend a few days exploring. Depending on the holiday, our trips lasted several days to several weeks.”

“Just the two of you?” he asked, looking down at you from the corner of his eye, frowning at the sound of the China Princes name once more.

“Mhm.” you said and smiled when you found the photo you were looking for, “Chenle, Sicheng and Hana joined us once during winter break and we spent two weeks in Germany before we met my parents in England for Christmas. Outside of that one time, it was just Renjun and I. A travelling photographer passed our cabin while we were headed to Paris to watch Swan Lake and asked Renjun if he could take a picture and told us to hold the pose. It's still my favorite to this day..”

You flipped your phone around and showed Jeno the picture on your phone where you and Renjun were seated in a cabin on a train. The two of you must’ve been on your way to some sort of event since you were both dressed in semi-formal wear. You were wearing a long sleeved emerald dress and black tights and black boot heels. Your head was resting in your hand and you were looking out the window. Renjun, who was wearing a dress shirt and vest, was looking at you with what to Jeno looked like admiration? Adoration? Passion? A sketch book rested on the table and Renjuns hand was in mid sketch. Had you known that he was sketching you at the time?

He thought the long sleeved dress was different but brought out the more mature aspects of your figure with how it hugged you in all the right places and made your legs look longer. The beret that rested on your head while your wavy hair was thrown over one shoulder completed the look and Jeno decided that he liked seeing you in hats.

His eyes narrowed when he realized that the drawing in Renjuns sketchbook looked familiar and he looked at a painting that you recently hung up.

“Is that painting of you?” he asked and saw the wistful smile on your face.

“Yea...Renjun enjoys doing art in his free time and painted that for me after our fifth trip together. The photo itself was taken only during our first trip but he worked on it for quite some time after that. He told me that he’d been looking for a muse for a while and all the travelling did it for him. I was floored when he gave me the painting, I think I cried a bit too..” you said thinking back to your travels with your best friend from abroad.

“There was always something missing though…” you muttered quietly and Jeno almost didn’t hear you.

“What’s that?” he asked, eyes still on the painting and wondered what it would be like to travel the world with you now that you were older.

“You.” you whispered looking down, “I guess a part of me always wondered what you’d think of the places I’ve gone and what it’d be like to experience what I did with you.”

A smile made its way to Jenos face as he wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you snug against him and trapped you in his arms. He was glad your head was on his shoulder since it was easier to hide his blush this way. He was giddy to know that you often thought of him during your travels and even though someone else was your travel companion, he was still on your mind.

“One day,” Jeno promised, “We’ll go together and you can show me all your favorite spots you’ve been to. We can even take a summer and travel Europe by train if you want. I think that’s what our parents are meeting up to do. I saw them plan the trip and heard them talk to your parents over the phone about it. Seems like a lot of fun.”

You looked up at Jeno wide eyed, had he really just promised that he’d travel all of Europe with you? Why was he saying things like this so loosely? Did he know that when he acted so nonchalant but sweet like this, it made the butterflies in your stomach flutter?

“Y-You want to travel with me?” you managed to stutter out and he gave you a look with furrowed brows.

“Of course. You’re the only travel buddy I had for most of my life and we have five years to catch up on. I wouldn’t want to experience those things with anyone else.” he said confidently, looking down at you, moving his arms to wrap around your waist and you felt him play with your fingers when your hands met his, “A trip with just the two of us.”

“A trip with just the two of us.” you agreed quietly, settling into Jenos embrace and felt his arms tighten around you, the chocolate cake forgotten as your eyes drifted close.

You weren’t sure what was happening with your friendship. These nights had become a thing after you had woken up completely jet lagged and Jeno had so happen to be coming back from a late night bathroom run. He’d seen your light on and texted you to see if you were alright since you were in the house alone.

When you told him that you couldn’t sleep, he had come over and the two of you spent hours watching Netflix; thankfully for the two of you it had been a weekend.

After that, Jeno came over whenever he was bored, he even helped you clean the house when Sicheng said he was coming back. You constantly wondered why he’d spend time with you when he could be out with Jisung or Jaemin; though Jisung spent a lot of time playing video games at your house just as much as Jeno did. He just said that he was lazy to socialize which totally didn’t make sense since he could be a social butterfly around the right people.

You just knew that over the short time you spent together, your heart would beat faster whenever he was around at school and now you were partnered for the project so spending time together was inevitable.

Little did you know, Jeno was working hard to show you that he was serious about you and you only. He just hoped that whatever he had planned didn’t backfire, especially with the arrival of one Huang Renjun.

#nct imagine #nct #nct dream imagine #nct dream #lee jeno #jeno #jisung #jaemin #kpop #kpop scenario #kpop imagine #nct scenario #nct fiction #nct dream fiction #nct dream scenario #jeno imagine #jeno fiction #jeno scenario

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labr4t · 4 years ago

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long fucking mental health rant just dont recommend reading unless you really want to read like a short stories worth of suffering

i feel so guilty sometimes for not doing shit w my life because i was the first in my family to graduate hs in awhile and they all expected so much of me but here i am completely disconnected from all ambition i ever had younger me had so much hope and strength i no longer have she went through so much and i've never processed it all for fear of breaking i have a fucking breakdown if its too bright or i'm tired i dont even fucking remember most of my childhood or adolescence i dont fucking remember anything and i'm scared of remembering i just fucking crumbled under the weight of years of expectations and dreams that i'm more childish than i was when i was an actual child. Its so pathetic if you think about it i was so capable and strong and its all fucking gone. I remember some pretty bad memories and the good memories i have all have this weird looming sense of dread attached to them i feel like there’s parts of me that i've totally cut off and destroyed just to cope with myself and how disappointed in myself its so fucking hard kind or loving without feeling like i'm being manipulative to make people like me. I try to put out that i dont care that i'm fucking abhorrent to people and i'm a fuckign asshole but i just wish i was born fucking normal i wish i could process things without being on the verge of being suicidal whenever i remember something harrowing i have fucking FAKE MEMORIES like what the fuck is wrong with me i have lied so much about myself because i DONT KNOW WHO I AM while a lot of horrible shit has happened to me and i never had much friends i have come up with shit to try and rationalize why i'm so broken and cruel while also simultaneously being fragile and needy and i just want validation after validation even if that means practically begging for people to talk to me or care about me because i have this fucking bitch in my head that tells me everything i've worked for in my life doesnt mean anything unless people think it does. There’s basically more than one of me at this point that i use to get the best reception. The only people that i dont lie to are the people who know me too well. The people who see me and hear me that iCANT lie to because it’d be obvious i'm being someone i'm not . and do any of those people like me very much? Probably not. At the most they pity me. The only things i know about myself are what people tell me literally most of my memories are just what i've been told. I don't feel like I was there for any of that. I've lost so many people that were close to me, THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO WERE WILLING TO GET CLOSE TO ME, mind you, because i'm sure they were tired of me, and my bs. And i'll admit it , i manipulated a couple of them a bit here and there and i've always took more than i gave and i feel so fuckign bad about it but i cant love people normally i'm all fucked up inside now and i'll never get those friendships back because i'm a liar and a freak and i've been so evil over the past few years and honestly i understand that a lot of ppl find me irredeemable because its fuckign true i’d always find myself getting jealous of the friends and love they had from others. How much better they were than me. Skinnier, nicer, more skilled, and more socially competent. I wanted to steal that from them. I wanted their full attention and care no matter what i had to say or do to myself. Sometimes love isnt enough for me and i want more and more and more until i've taken all i can get away with and they abandon me because i'm so much of a pain to be around because i would belittle them for their interests because i didn't want to them to have any i didn't or in anyway be able to get away from me. Of course thats fucked up that s wrong but i just always feel so empty. I don't feel like there’s anything inside of me. No personality, nothing. Not a lot of memories, just the hunger and need to feed off others for attention and love. I literally cannot handle being alone in any capacity and yet i fucking hate being around others if that makes it so i feel alone around others. I want whoever i'm around to be acknowledging me and me only or else i feel slighted for no reason. I'm just empty and broken and i cant fix myself and because i've always felt this way and its just eaten everything up that i had inside of me at this point. I dont know whats wrong with me. I dont think its just depression or anxiety the doctors pin on me. I've hurt people. I've hurt myself and thats not good its so awful awful awful and i dont know what to do with myself anymore and i'm scared and worried about the future because who knows how fucking sick i'll become or how bad itll be and i just want to know but i know i'll never get a helpful answer where i am rn so i guess i'll suffer a bit or even forever i know its improbable but i'm sorry if i've ever hurt you or scared you or manipulated you and you dont have to accept it but i just can’t rationalize in the moment and then its too late after i've recognized what i'm doing and its wrong i know but i cant help myself … i dont know where i'll be in the future but hopefully i get help because i can barely handle myself anymore

#plz dont reblog thx #vent #longvent #im having an identity crisis

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ewshannon · 4 years ago

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I Love My Mother's Killer

E.W. Shannon

At three a.m. on a Sunday morning, through a glass door, I saw mother take her last breath. The ICU doctor warned it wouldn't be a long drawn out process, but I think even the nurse and the respiratory therapist were a bit surprised at how quickly she stopped. Stopped being alive. Stopped being Mabel Harper. Stopped being Mom and Grandma. I was a little shocked at how fast she went from being my mother to being 'the body,' almost as if I could see the tether between her and the ethereal part of the universe sever in front of me.

I stood outside, in my hospital booties, gown, gloves, hair cover, mask, and face shield while they removed her breathing tube. Her nurse, Vanessa, looked up at me when she realized how quick death had come. She came out of the room, took a deep breath, and gave me the news. "I'm sorry Mr. Harper, she's already gone." She paused to let me process and perhaps breakdown. When it became obvious, I wasn't going to go into hysterics, she continued. "Just let the respiratory therapist come out and then you can go in."

"No, that's okay." I started taking off the protective gear and felt guilty at having wasted it just to stand in a hallway. Talking to strangers has never been a strength of mine and the circumstance of my mother's death, or I guess any death, made it even worse. All the autistic tics and traits I had worked so hard on to lessen or get rid of came back like somebody poured them over me from a bucket. The stutter, the inability to look someone in the face, the sweating, all descended upon me at once. "I-I-I-Is there a-a-a-anything else y-y-y-you need from me?"

Vanessa placed a hand on my arm. Even through my shirt and the gown and her glove, I could still feel her warmth. "You want to sit down?"

"N-n-n-n-no, I-I-I-I'll b-b-be okay. I just need to go d-d-d-d-do a b-b-breathing exerc-c-c-c-ise." On top of all the sweating and stuttering I had unconsciously begun crying and hadn't even realized it.

"Okay. Um, no, there's nothing else we need right now from you. We'll call the mortuary and they'll be in contact with you." She half looked at me with pity and half with awe. For months now her world had been a constant dialogue about COVID; for over a week she had seen me as a competent sane man, and now a certified medical freak stood in front of her coming apart at the seams. Having an evolving medical curiosity in front of her must have been a nice change of pace from the pandemic.

"Thank you for e-e-everything."

"No problem. Sorry for your loss." She patted my arm again and I felt her shift internally. Her voice changed into a hospital administrator to catch my attention. "Make sure you leave the face mask on until you leave the building and use hand sanitizer as you exit this unit, as well as when you exit the building downstairs.

"Thank you."

She went back into my mother's room and pulled a curtain across the glass door.

I don't remember leaving the unit, how I got downstairs and exited, how I found my car in the parking garage, or if I ever used any hand sanitizer. I just remember sobbing with my head leaned against the steering wheel, my tears snaking their way through the Chevy emblem before falling into my lap. Eventually I started the car and headed home. At first, I tried to craft what I would say to my daughters, Lily and Layla, but found I could either drive or work on a speech for my girls, but not both. So, I just drove and let my subconscious wander and it wasn't long before it took me back to that innocent day less than a month ago.

It's so stupid really. As a family we had been so careful to self-isolate as a group; it felt like Swiss Family Robinson, but with Wi-Fi. A drive-by birthday party for a seven-year-old is what started the death knell for mother. A boy named Asher, a friend of Lily's, stood in the driveway as, one by one, friends (and their obliging parents) stopped and sang Happy Birthday, hooked a gift bag onto a six foot metal pole usually used for skimming a pool, and then waited for the little boy to yell out "Thank you!" showing off all the open spaces in his mouth where teeth had fallen out as he grinned like an idiot.

The thought of giving Lily a list of rules never occurred to anyone. Her ten-year-old sister held only a tentative grasp on the word 'pandemic.' To Layla it meant the bully she'd acquired at the beginning of the year was now null and void, she could go to class in questionable states of dress at the dining room table, she was no longer the weird kid who ate hummus and sprouts sandwiches alone in the cafeteria, and, most importantly to her, she got to sleep in for an extra hour.

Lily, however, was quite different. Every teacher's report we'd gotten on her included the phrase "social butterfly" or some variation of "very verbal." In every group picture from school, Lily grabbed the focus by placing herself dead center, usually with half the students looking at her rather than the camera. Since birth she had always been everybody’s friend and greeted everyone with a hug. I always imagine her studying Layla and seeing how heavy and dour she was and deciding to be the complete opposite.

So, there we were on a warm day in May, I drove, my wife, Joy, sat up front with me, and my mother sat between Layla and Lily in the back seat. I don't know why I put the car in park that day as we sang and put our bag on the pole. Remembering the 'clunk' of the doors unlocking sometimes wakes me up at night. I can vividly remember the bright green bow falling off the bag and how fast Lily had been at getting out of her booster seat and out of the car. Before my wife or I could comprehend what was happening, she had picked up the bow off the asphalt, playfully stuck it to Asher's forehead, and hugged him. No mask, no gloves, no ridiculous two-foot wide piece of plexiglass like at the grocery store, just two children doing what you want children to do, being caring, thoughtful, kind, unreserved, and picking up their litter.

I wouldn't say our family has any real germaphobes, but we did exercise a bit of caution as the tallies of deaths and infections continued their upward trajectory on the news. Joy and I had surrendered to the idea of life with COVID rather than life after COVID. My wife still went to the grocery store with the girls in tow. My mother made them each twenty masks with different patterns, each girl getting their name embroidered in one of the corners, so instead of telling them they 'had' to wear a mask we just had to say, "Go pick out a special mask to go with your outfit." Of course, they weren't wearing masks that day, as we weren't supposed to be near anyone.

When Lily got back into the car and buckled herself into her booster seat, a noticeable silence that accompanied her. Joy broke the hush. "Here Lily, put some hand sanitizer on." She then covered Lily's little hands with ten pumps of hand gel from a Costco-sized container.

I looked back at Lily's glistening dripping hands and whispered in my wife's ear, "Unless you're going to pump it down her nose and throat, the damage is done."

She turned back around in her seat, put a single pump of hand gel on her own hands and took a deep breath as she nervously rubbed it in. "Yeah, you're right. I mean, what are the odds?" She shrugged her shoulders and gave me an unconvincing smile.

The next day Joy sent an email to Asher's mother to ask, with the utmost of political correctness, if their family might be harboring a deadly contagion. The reply came back quick assuring us that we had nothing to worry about and asking if we might be harboring a deadly contagion. "Remember when these emails were about kids biting and organizing bake sales," I asked her after reading the reply.

The day after that I caught my wife typing in 'how many days for covid symptoms after possible infection.' Before she could press 'enter' I answered her, "Two to fourteen days." She pressed 'enter' anyway and then let out a sigh with her head resting in her hands. "Told ya so."

"It might have updated since you looked." Her tense reply made me get up and massage her shoulders.

"It'll be okay. None of us are sick. Mom's been fine since she moved in after her hip surgery. Worst case, we get sick and we get over it." I tried my best to fill the statement with confidence, but the tiny bit of doubt I let slip by was all she heard. I looked across the foyer and saw Lily in my mother's room, sitting in her lap having a story read to her, and hoped I was right.

Two more days went by and then Joy woke up with flu-like symptoms, achy, fever, a slight cough, but nothing too alarming. The next day Layla woke with similar symptoms, but not as extreme. We tried to go through a drive-up testing site, but once my wife saw the line, she gave the order to turn back. "It's like Schrödinger’s cat, let’s just hope we only have to open two boxes," she said. They each had symptoms for three days and then they cleared. My wife attributed their miraculous recovery to the vegan diet she had put the family on the previous year. I gave more credit to luck.

Day twelve I woke to the sound of a duck on fire quacking from downstairs, at least that's what it sounded like to me. I found my mother in her chair coughing and felt her hot clammy head. "Get dressed Mom, we're going to the hospital." She didn't answer, just shook her head, and shuffled over to her closet. A few hours later she became a patient in the special COVID ward of our local hospital.

A few days later I got a call from Vanessa, just starting the night shift, telling me they had transferred my mother to the ICU and asking if she had a living will. While having a living will makes you feel prepared for death, when somebody outside your family asks to see it, it's the most ominous feeling ever.

Two lights away from the entrance to our neighborhood, in the small hours of the morning with a few of my mother's effects in a hospital bag on the floorboard, I pulled the car over into a 7-Eleven parking lot and vomited all over a Japanese Boxwood. It wasn't a virus causing me to hurl, but a thought, a window into the future. Someday Lily will look back on this, maybe she'll come across one of those masks with my mother's embroidery on it, maybe she'll just remember waking up to the horrible news, but at some point she might make the connection to the bow on Asher's head and her grandmother dying.

#ewshannon #covid stories #covid-19 #writing #original writing #writers on tumblr #artists on tumblr #original photography on tumblr #photographers on tumblr #lgbtq writers

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witharthurkirkland · 7 years ago

Note

Another cute meet: Viktor retires and becomes a doctor before Yuuri competes in seniors, finds him hurt in an alley after a fight, go for it :D

Aaah! Finally got to this one! Sorry for the long wait!

It ended up longer than I expected (and probably needs a good continuation too, haha)…

The Miracle Doctor

TheMiracle Doctor they all called him. He heard the kinds of things the nurseswhispered to each other in the hallways of the hospital, but he didn’t know howto react to them. There were doctors who joined in too, but so many of themtreated him like someone who was just grabbing all the fame and attention for himself.But how could he explain that he didn’t want any of the fame? It wasn’t like hecould get any use out of it.

Famewasn’t going to make his apartment any less empty or fill the seat next to himwhen he went out to see a movie. Which, incidentally, was what he’d just done.

Ahappy couple walked just in front of him. One of the women had an arm aroundthe shoulders of the other one. Every once in a while they stopped to exchangea kiss, or a joke before going on.

Hesighed and wished he could overtake them.

Whenthey turned into a different street he thought he would finally get some peaceand quiet. But his thoughts kept returning to how empty his apartment was. Hereally didn’t want to go back.

Andthen someone pushed him out of the way. He fell on his back as more people rantowards him. They jumped over him and kept going.

Hesat up and put his hand on his head. What was going on?

Andall hell broke loose as loud booming gunfire filled the street.

Terrorfroze him to the spot. What was he supposed to do now? Run for it? But he was adoctor! He had to go over there and make sure that people were okay!

Hetried to get up, but his legs didn’t obey him.

Oh my god! I can’t move! What do I do? Whatif they come back and decide to shoot me?

Calm down. Breathe slowly.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Hesighed and got up.

Thegunfire had stopped.

Hecouldn’t be sure, but he made a guess and walked in the direction they’d gone.

Itwas a stupid decision. They had guns and, as they’d just demonstrated, also noqualms about shooting people. And killing them. He, on the other hand, had noweapons whatsoever. And he was about to walk into a dark alleyway.

Hehesitated.

Itwas really dark. They wouldn’t see a man trying to help. They would only seeanother enemy.

Andthen he heard someone swear loudly, going through swearwords, as if someone hadgiven him a list and he was just reading them out one at a time, putting moreemphasis into each word as it crossed his lips.

“Ohfor the love of –” And then more swearwords. “Those damn bastards will pay for this!”

Heran in the direction of the voice. He’d worked in a hospital long enough torecognize when someone wasn’t just swearing, but was swearing because they werein a lot of pain.

Ashe ran, he pulled out his cellphone and turned on the light.

“Whereare you?” he called out. He didn’t say “are you okay?” because he’d learned longago that it was the wrong question entirely.

“Whothe hell are you? The angel of death?”

Thelight fell on a young man sprawled out on the ground in a pool of blood,clutching his left side in a weak attempt to stop the flow of blood.

Forgettingeverything, he dropped down next to him and put a hand over the wound. Heraised his phone, trying to examine the young man. “Did they shoot you anywhereelse?”

“Inever expected the angel of death to ask that!Aren’t you going to ask me if I’ve been a good person? Or do you already knowthe answer to that question?”

“I’mgoing to call an ambulance,” he told the young man and raised the phone to hishead.

Thelight from the screen must’ve illuminated his face, because the next words tocome out of the young man’s mouth (along with more expletives) were:

“Ohmy god! You’re joking, right? Thereis just no way! What the hell?”

“What’swrong?” he asked, feeling the blood drain from his face in fear.

“It’syou.”

“Yes?”he asked, more confused than terrified now.

“VictorNikiforov,” the man said and laughed bitterly. “Yes, sure, call the ambulance, doctor, go on.”

Itwas so tempting to lower the phone and ask what the matter was, but he was indanger and Victor knew where his duty lay. “Hello? This is an emergency. Ifound a young man with a gunshot wound.” He gave his best guess at his currentlocation and hung up.

“What’swrong? Who are you?” he asked. If anything, it would keep the young manconscious. “And how do you know my name?”

Theyoung man went on laughing. “Oh, doctor,tell me,” he said, once the laughter died down, “will I ever play the violinagain?”

“You’llbe just fine. We’ll fix you up, don’t worry. And your hands aren’t injured, so –”

Theyoung man laughed on. “Oh just wonderful!My non-existent career as a violinist is intact, amazing!”

“Canyou be serious for one minute?” Victor cut in. “I need your name and address.They will ask when they get here.”

Hegave an address and paused.

Thesiren rang out loud and clear in the night air.

Theman grabbed him by the arm and pulled him down until their faces almosttouched.

“Myleg…” he gasped out. “Those damn bastards shot me in the foot!”

Andthen the whole street was full of lights and paramedics. Victor stepped backand watched them put the man on the stretcher. He could see the wound in hisfoot now.

“I’mcoming with you!” he announced, following them into the ambulance.

“Dr.Nikiforov!” one of the paramedics exclaimed.

Ohgood, they were from his hospital.

“Goodevening,” he said with a smile. He never had a memory for names, but that didn’tmatter at a time like this.

Thenone of the other paramedics looked down at the young man and gave a gasp. “Ohmy god!”

“Doyou know him?” Victor asked. Oh good, it looked like they would have a name forhis patient without asking him. Although, if they knew him, then it wasn’t sogood, he tried to remind himself. Not for them, anyway.

“Don’tyou know him?” the paramedic exclaimed.“Oh, maybe not, he was after your time.”

“After?”Victor repeated, completely lost now.

“He’sYuuri Katsuki,” the paramedic explained. “He’s the top figure skater in theworld.” There was a long pause as they both stared down at him. “Or was.”

Theother paramedics were rushing around them, doing the best they could beforethey arrived at the hospital.

Assoon as the ambulance stopped, Victor jumped out and followed the stretcherinside. He grabbed the first nurse he recognized and sent him off to preparethe operating room.

“Idon’t care who it is tonight, I’m taking charge.” It was personal. He’d foundthe young man. It was his patient. And, well… Victor was curious. Plus therewas another reason.

Heset off down the hall with a determined expression on his face, completelyforgetting that a mere hour ago he was watching a terrible comedy and having anawful time. Now he had something important to do and, in a way, he was happy.

Hewalked to the operating room, thinking only about the task ahead of him.

“Youcan’t operate on him, Victor,” Dr. Giacometti cut in, walking out of theoperating room and blocking his way.

“Whatare you talking about, Chris?” Victor asked, stopping abruptly.

“Weall know you had the evening off. And we all heard you talking about the movieyou were going to see,” Chris went on.

“Sowhat?” Victor asked, confused about where this was going.

“Soeveryone will assume you were out on a date with him,” Chris said, raising hiseyebrows meaningfully.

“Oh,please! Let me through! His figure skating career is in danger and I’m the bestsurgeon in the hospital!” Victor tried to push past him, but Chris raised hishand higher, stopping him with this simple gesture.

“No,Victor, you have a potential relationship with a patient and they’ll take awayyour licence if they find out!” Chris protested.

“But–!”

“Iwon’t hear any more on the subject. I’moperating on him.” Chris returned to the room, closing the door behind him andleaving Victor all alone.

Andthen the police arrived. They bombarded him with questions, completely missingthe expression that must’ve been on his face.

“You’rethe young man who called the ambulance, right? Can you tell us how you foundhim?”

Herealized then exactly what it would look like to them. He’d witnessed a gangwar and for some reason this Yuuri Katsuki was caught right in the middle ofit. As soon as he got better they would arrest him and take him away. AndVictor would never see him again.

“Wewere out on a date!” he began and, before he could even think about it, tearspoured down his face. It was amazing how easily the lies came after that firstone.

“Wewent to see a movie,” he began, ignoring the tears. “I don’t remember what itwas about.” He blushed, imagining the kind of movie date he’d always wanted,complete with making out in the back row. “We walked back together.” Now hethought of the two women who’d walked ahead of him. “W-we were flirting and Yuuriasked me for a kiss when these men came out of nowhere!”

Oneof the policemen pulled out a notebook and wrote his words down.

Victorpaused and wiped the tears off his face with the back of his hand. Still theycame. He couldn’t stop them even if he wanted to. The more details his imaginationadded to their fictional date, the more the tears came.

“A-andone of them pushed us. Yuuri is… um… quick-tempered,” that wasn’t the rightword, but that didn’t matter, “so he chased them into the alley and they…” Hecovered his face with his hands. There was just no way he would get through therest of the sentence.

Oneof the policemen put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s alright. We have yourstatement down.”

Heraised his eyes. “I’m the best doctor in this hospital and I can’t operate onhim!” he wailed.

Thepoliceman patted his shoulder. “Listen, we’ll get you some water. Sorry, wedidn’t realize that… Anyway, we’ll leave you alone. Thank you for your help.”

Henodded and let them leave. They didn’t even bring him a glass of water.

Whenhe was alone he dropped into a chair and wept on.

Hewasn’t sure what was worse: the imaginary date he’d described, or that it justexisted in his imagination.

Yuuriopened his eyes. A single glance told him he was in hospital. He was hooked upto something and there was a bright light above him.

Looks like you succeeded, Victor. I supposea big thank you is in order. Right before they barge in and take me away.

Hisdoor opened and a doctor he’d never seen before stepped in. “Your name is YuuriKatsuki, right?”

“Yes,doctor. What is it? Am I magically better and can I go home now?”

“I’mafraid not. You’ll be here for some time yet.”

“Ohwonderful,” Yuuri answered, reclining on the pillow and closing his eyes, “great.Just. Great.” And then he realized he needed to know all the bad news all atonce. “Well, doctor, is my ballet career ruined completely?”

Thedoctor raised his eyebrows. “I wasn’t aware you had one, Yuuri Katsuki.”

“Ah!My cover is blown.” He rolled his eyes. “Well?”

“We’llsee,” the doctor said evasively. “I have high hopes for your skating career,” he added and walked upto him.

Yuurisaid nothing while the doctor examined him. The doctor muttered observationsunder his breath. He then gave Yuuri a true doctor to patient talk, which Yuurionly half-listened to. They didn’t know if he would heal enough to be able toreturn to figure skating. That was all he needed to know. They didn’t know.

Of course the bastards didn’t know!

Theexplanations done, the doctor headed for the door, pausing dramatically as hereached for the handle. “Oh yes, and your boyfriend is here to see you.”

“Boyfriend?”

“ShouldI send him in?” the doctor asked, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

So someone is calling himself my boyfriendnow? Or did I knock my head so hard that I don’t remember that I have one? “Yeah,sure, whatever.” The faster he resolved this mystery, the better.

Thedoctor opened the door and stepped out with a “you can go see him”.

VictorNikiforov entered the room.

Yuuriburst out laughing. “Hello, angel of death! I didn’t realize I was dating you.”

Victorwalked up to him and took Yuuri’s right hand in both of his. “I’m sorry! I liedto them! I said you were out on a date with me when they shot you!”

Thatwas odd enough to make Yuuri stop laughing and stare at Victor in surprise. “Why?”You don’t have to cover for me.

“Ididn’t know what else to say!” Victor exclaimed. “I couldn’t tell them I sawyou in a shootout with the others!”

“Why?Isn’t that what you saw?” Yuuri asked, narrowing his eyes.

“Ofcourse not! I barely saw anything! Just a bunch of people running and then Ifound you bleeding in an alley! I couldn’t let them arrest you! You were bleeding!”

Therewas a long uncomfortable pause as Yuuri considered what to say next.

“Sothe whole hospital thinks we’re going out…” Yuuri muttered to himself. “And I’mstuck here for who knows how long…”

“Yes!Sorry! I’m so sorry about that!” Victor went on, as if he’d forgotten how tosay anything else.

“Butit’s also my alibi…” Yuuri continued, ignoring Victor.

“Yes,”Victor nodded and waited.

“Comehere, boyfriend,” Yuuri beckoned with his finger.

“What?”Victor jumped in his seat, turning bright red. But still he remained where hewas.

Yuurishrugged. “What? I’ve done worse for an alibi.”

“R-really?”

“Yes.Are you scared of me now?” Yuuri asked, raising an eyebrow.

“N-notreally,” Victor admitted. He looked at Yuuri’s foot. It was in a cast and Yuurihad done his best to not think about that. At least until that moment. “U-um… Thereare people in this hospital who believe that my touch has healing abilities.”He laughed. “I-it doesn’t, of course!” He reached out towards Yuuri’s foot. “Butstill…” He laid his hands on Yuuri’s cast and stared down at it in silence.

“OhI can definitely feel my foot healing now,” Yuuri said, rolling his eyes.

Victorlaughed and took his hands away. “O-of course, it’s just a silly superstition.”

“Ofcourse,” Yuuri repeated and watched him.

“So…um… I hope you get better soon.” Victor stood up and turned away. “I reallyhope this won’t ruin your skating career.”

Wasn’the going to say anything about how they were going to keep up his alibi?

Victorwalked to the door in silence.

Apparentlynot.

“So,when will I see you again?” Yuuri asked as soon as the door swung open.

Victorturned with a smile. “I-I won’t bother you anymore. Chris – I mean, Dr. Giacomettiwill let me know how you’re doing.” He paused. “I-in general terms, of course.”And then he remembered something. “What about your family? Do you want someoneto call them and let them know? Or would you rather tell them yourself?”

Yuurimade a dismissive gesture. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Right!It has nothing to do with me. Sorry.” Victor turned away and tried to leave onemore time.

“Youfree tomorrow?” Yuuri asked.

“Why?”He didn’t turn around to look at Yuuri. He just stood there with his back tohim like an idiot. Perhaps he was anidiot. Yuuri hadn’t seen much evidence to suggest otherwise.

Sohe was a doctor, so what? He had afterall retired from figure skating right in his prime and only an idiot would dothat.

“Everyonewill wonder why you’re not going out with me, boyfriend,” Yuuri explained and enjoyed watching Victor’s ears turnred.

“I-I’lltell them that I-I lied.”

“Andwhat about my alibi?”

“ThenI’ll tell them that I broke up with you,” Victor went on stubbornly.

Hereally was an idiot. Yuuri smirked. “You’reright. In my current state, I’m useless as a boyfriend. Who the hell would wantto date me?”

Victorspun around, his face deep red. “Iwould!”

Theystared at each other in silence. Victor’s face was almost purple now.

“I-Imean…” he tried to take it back, but Yuuri wouldn’t let him.

“ThenI’ll wait for you tomorrow. I’m a very demanding boyfriend. I want flowers andchocolates, and you better not forget my get well soon card!” Yuuri said,enjoying the expression on Victor’s face.

“Ah!”Victor exclaimed. “A-are you sure?”

Yuuriraised his eyebrows. “You can bet your sweet ass on it.”

Andnow it looked like Dr. Nikiforov would faint.

Thiswas going to be very fun. Yuurishifted into a comfortable position and watched Victor stammer out a goodbyebefore leaving.

I’m going to get back at you for retiringbefore I even got a chance to compete against you, Victor Nikiforov! And, well,maybe there will be other benefits to this situation. Who knows?

#fanfiction #Bad Apple #Bad Apple prompts #Yuri Katsuki #Victor Nikiforov #Christophe Giacometti #I love getting prompts #The Miracle Doctor #yuri on ice #AU

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ryqoshay · 8 years ago

Text

How to Handle a Nico: Crossroads

Primary Pairing: NicoMaki Other Pairings: NozoEli, KotoUmi Words: ~1.5k Rating: K Time Frame: Nearing the end of the second season of the anime. Story Arc: Stand Alone

List of all HtHaN scenes

Author’s Note: Guess what song I was playing in SIF between events! Then it came up on my playlist while I was driving home from the cities and I pretty much had the scene written in my head by the time I arrived.

Edit: Added a few lines and an extra word or two to smooth out a few points of the converstaions that I felt to be a little off when reading it through again, as I like to do after letting it sit for a few days.

“Nicocchi.”

“Mmm…” the girl being addressed didn’t turn her attention away from her computer.

“Nicocchi.”

“What do you want, Nozomi?”

“Have you read the lyrics for the new song?”

“Uhm… which one? There’s a bunch of them.”

“The new BiBi song.”

Nico finally turned around to face the other girl in the clubroom. “And we have two of those; Psychic Fire, which is awesome, and Sakkaku something-or-other, another melodramatic love song.”

“Sakkaku Crossroads.”

“Yeah, sure, that one.”

“And did you notice anything about it?”

“Stop being so vague!” The raven-haired girl let a bit of frustration into her voice. “What about it?”

“Have you read the lyrics?”

“Of course I have. It’s another love song, just like all the others we’ve been making since Snow halation.” She leveled a finger at the purple-haired girl. “And don’t you try to tell me you haven’t been loving every minute of it, especially with that duet you had with Eli.”

Nozomi smiled at the thought. “I know you loved your duet with Maki-chan.”

“Of course I did. Though I’m still surprised we were able to get her to sing it.”

“I think she enjoyed it more than she admits.” The spiritual girl pointed out. “She seemed quite excited when it was the next up during our last live.”

“I suppose.”

“But that’s kind of what I’m getting at, Nicocchi, have you considered that maybe there is a reason Maki-chan made herself the center of Crossroads?”

“Not really, no. Why?”

“I think she’s worried, even if she doesn’t realize it or admit it to herself.”

Nico raised an eyebrow. “Maki-chan is worried? About what?”

“Losing her love.”

“Yeah, I doubt that.” The twintailed girl scoffed. “Maki-chan says it herself all the time, she’s not in love with anyone and she doesn’t have time to date anyway.”

“…” Nozomi fixed the other girl with a level stare.

“What?”

“You, Eli and I will be graduation soon.”

“Yeah…”

“I think Maki-chan is worried about losing track of us; losing touch with you.”

“That’s… silly…” Nico found herself a bit less confident than she would prefer with her rebuttal.

“Is it?”

“Well, yeah, we’ve talked before about having reunions. Honoka is practically planning the first one already. We’ll still see each other.”

“You should still talk to her, Nicocchi.”

“Honoka?”

“Maki-chan.”

“Oh… yeah… maybe… I guess.”

“And you should tell her.”

“…”

“Maki-chan.”

“Oh, hey, Nico-chan.” The songwriter of µ’s looked up from the notebook she had on the music rack of the piano. “What’s up?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing.” Nico replied, walking over the instrument.

“Oh?” the redhead gave a lopsided smile.

“Yeah, so what’s up with these lyrics?”

“Uhm... which ones? Umi and I have been writing a lot recently.”

Nico paused as a sense of déjà vu came over her. “The Sakkaku something-or-other one.”

“Crossroads?”

“Yeah, that one.”

“What about them?”

“Is there any special meaning behind them?”

Maki blinked. “What do you mean?”

Geez, is this how Nozomi feels all the time? “Well, uhm, I was just making sure that you weren’t worried about anything and just, you know…” Nico found herself regretting not having planned better before approaching Maki with the question “maybe, subconsciously writing about it in your song?”

“…?” The redhead cocked her head to the side with an expression of mild confusion.

“You're… not worried about me… I mean us, graduating?”

“Oh, I, uhm…” Maki stuttered. “I’m not w-worried, I mean…”

Nico moved towards the piano bench and took a seat after the other girl scooted over to make room.

“You know we’ll still keep in touch, right?” the raven-haired girl said quietly.

“Yeah…”

“I mean we won’t see each other every day anymore, but we will still see each other.”

“…”

“We’ll have reunions.”

“…”

“And the school Nozomi and I are going to is just a few stations down.”

“…”

“Eli’s is a bit farther, but…”

“…”

“And we have our LINE chatrooms.”

“…”

“Look, I know you don’t want a µ’s without me, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop having everything else without me. You can’t get rid of Nico that easily.”

“…”

Realizing she was basically monologuing at this point, Nico paused and turned to get a better look at the girl beside her. “Maki-chan, are you crying?”

“No…”

“I see.” Nico sighed. “Well, anyway, sorry for bringing up such a weird subject.”

“It’s fine…”

“I’ll, uhm, let you get back to whatever you were working on.”

The raven-haired girl started to get up when she met resistance in the form of two fingers pinching the hem of her cardigan.

“Maki-chan?”

“Stay…” the redhead said softly. “Just for a little while.” She looked up slowly. “Please.”

Nico swallowed hard as she met the other girl’s pleading gaze.

“I… uhm…” Maki fumbled for her words. “I was actually about to call Umi when you came in, I’m kind of stuck on this one part… Uhm… Maybe you can help instead?”

Nico cleared her throat as she sat down again. “O-of course!” She resisted the urge to switch to her idol persona and quash whatever was wanting to bubble up from within her. “I mean, I’ll see what I can do.” She turned to the music rack. “Soshite Saigo no Page ni wa?” Ughn… another one about things coming to an end, it seems.

“It’s the working title.” Maki admitted. “If it still works when we’re done, we’ll keep it. Otherwise, we’ll think of something else.”

“I see. So, where can I help?”

“Oh, uhm… maybe we should have you listen to what we have first?”

“Alright.”

“So, did you tell her?”

“Mmm…?” the girl being addressed didn’t turn her attention away from her computer.

“Nicocchi.”

“Did I tell who what?” Nico turned in her chair to face the other girl in the room.

“…” Nozomi fixed her with a steady stare.

The raven-haired girl narrowed her eyes. “No. I didn’t tell her.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t think she’s ready, and honestly, I’m not sure I am either.”

“You know if you don’t say something soon, you may lose her to someone else.”

“I probably will anyway.” Nico grumbled.

“Oh?”

The twin-tailed girl sighed. “The last time I was at her place, I saw paperwork her parents had left out, about arranged marriage stuff.”

“I see.”

“I doubt they’ll do anything soon, but it does seem to be something they are thinking about. And you know how dutiful she is about following her parents’ plans for her.”

“All the more reason to make the best of the time you have.”

“And that’s another thing, I don’t have that time now.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m looking to be an idol.”

“…”

“I can’t date anyone if I’m going to go pro soon here, even if it will only be part-time while I’m in college.”

“…”

“And by the time I’m done with all that, she’ll probably have graduated, become a doctor and her parents will have married her off to some handsome rich guy. Even if I truly become the No. 1 Idol in the Universe, how can I compete with that?”

“Nicocchi…”

“So even if I do try to make the best of these last few weeks, if anything goes public, it will severely hurt my chances. Then when her parents arrange her marriage, I’ll have lost my dream career and my dream girl before I had a chance with either.”

“…” Nozomi remained silent for a while, holding the other girl’s gaze. “So, what are you going to do?”

“Huh?”

“Are you just going to desperately try to stay close friends with her despite knowing full well that you actually want to be more than friends?”

Nico wrinkled her nose. “You make it sound bad when you say it like that.”

“Well, how would you say it?”

“...” Nico paused to think for a moment before sighing. “Desperately try to stay close friends with her despite knowing full well that I actually want to be more than friends…” Her shoulders slumped. “I’m stupid, aren’t I, wanting to keep her in my life as a friend rather than risk losing her altogether.”

The spiritual girl shook her head. “It’s a little foolish, sure, but that’s how I felt about Elicchi. At least until she stumbled her way through a confession.” She smiled a little at the memory. “She was so awkwardly cute, I couldn’t help but accept when she asked me out.”

“I have a feeling you’d have said yes no matter how she had asked.”

“You’re probably right.”

“So, Eli asked you out, huh?”

“Surprised?”

“Not really.” Nico admitted. “I mean I guess I assumed you had asked her, but honestly I’d be more surprised if someone like Maki asked me out. Or if Umi asked Kotori.”

“Fair enough.”

Nozomi’s expression turned somber again. “So, will you be alright continuing like this?”

Nico scoffed. “Probably not.”

“Nicocchi…”

“But so long as she ends up happy, that’s what’s important right?”

“Your happiness is important too, Nicocchi.”

“… I was just trying to be a little romantic…” the twin-tailed girl grumbled.

“I know, but I’m not the right target for that.”

“Nozomi…”

“Well if you ever change your mind, I’ll be there to support you.”

“I know, thank you for that.”

“So… it looks like BiBi should probably rearrange Sakkaku Crossroads to make you the center instead.”

“Yeah… you may be right about that…”

Author’s Note Continued: I realize writing scenes out of chronological order ruins any chance of building suspense over "will they won't they," but in it's place, I'm kind of enjoying exploring and piecing together the path that leads them to where they are.

Also, I am currently placing this scene between Grassy Knoll and Last Photoshoot, but it may find itself being moved to a time before Grassy Knoll should I feel that to be a better fit as I continue to write more scenes.

Edit: I read through Grassy Knoll again and I do state that the scene takes place after the graduation ceramony for the third years, so I will have to move this scene to be before it. I may come back to Grassy Knoll later and tweak a thing or two about Maki's reaction to Nico.

#NicoMaki #Nishikino Maki #Yazawa Nico #How to Handle a Nico #Love Live #fanfic

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